Washing up, once again undone. I have no more plates or forks to eat. And I DON’T WANT TO DO the dishes!
Why can it be so difficult? It takes just 5 minutes per day if I do it regularly. Still, I can’t manage to do it and I face this situation many times in a month.
Well, in my case, there are several factors affecting this. Firstly, my mental health and ability to cope with mundane tasks has not been very great lately. Secondly, I have a trauma related to washing up. And thirdly, there’s always a threshold in starting to do the dishes.
Let me clarify these a bit. I have a mental disorder called OCD, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. This makes me feel anxious quite often. What is more, I also happen to think quite a lot about bacteria or whether I made things “correctly”. Thus, washing up (or cleaning) can be challenging because of the double burden of doing things “correctly” to remove dirt or bacteria (What if I fail and make others sick…?)
Furthermore, my dad used to tell me to do the dishes (or put them into the dishwasher) when I was young. I had the stance that the dishes can wait if I have something more important first. He then did the dishes by himself, thus shaming me for not acting rapidly enough. This made me feel worthless and ashamed. He used to say: “You don’t have to come anymore, as you have something more important to do.”
And the threshold to start things: why is it always so difficult to just do it? Among other things, these past experiences and present conditions make it difficult. Negative emotions grow while you know that you should be doing the dishes and you have not. Then it becomes even more challenging.
Luckily, I have managed to fight my way through the worst days and months of not washing up. This has demanded deliberate practice, much of will power, and building a routine. I have also talked through my past trauma related to washing up. I hope I can keep up with my good progress. And if I cannot, I also know that I can recover from piles of dirty plates, once I’m feeling OK again.